It is a rainy Thursday here in my homeland. My morning started out with a not-so-happy Dubya asking me if I remembered that time when I forgot to give him his fortune cookie that I promised he could have after he finished his bath. (Mom fail)
It didn’t get any better when I went to drop Moo off at her babysitter. That is when I found I was unable to drive down her street due to a very annoying pair of garbage trucks. Since the morning commute is very carefully timed to ensure I get as much beauty sleep as I require (hint: it is a lot) and still make it work on time, the garbage truck situation was troublesome. I ended up throwing my car into park, hitting the hazard lights, taking off my shoes and running down the block with Moo slung over my arm like a sack of potatoes. In the rain. Dodging the earthworms. I now have little muddy foot prints on my pants. And after all of that, I was still a minute late to work. (Employee fail)
But when I was at the local library over my lunch break, donating my beloved VHS copies of ‘Care Bears in Wonderland’ and ‘Care Bears Nutcracker Suite’ so they could be enjoyed by the masses as God intended, I happened to walk by the book sale shelf. And there I was drawn, like a moth to a flame, to the most amazing item ever known to man. For the low, low price of ONE DOLLAR, this amazing thing could be mine. It was as if a ray of sunshine was shining down on me from above. It was as if it was meant to be. Destiny. Fate. Kismet. Serendipity. Whatever it was, I snatched that item off the shelf and ran to the circulation desk. I threw it on the desk, proudly proclaiming that I was buying that item.
The teenage library worker looked at me as if I had grown a second head, so I had to explain exactly what my plans were. ”See, my husband, kids and I are going on a roadtrip soon and I thought it would be fun to listen to this THE ENTIRE TIME WE ARE IN THE CAR.”
As she took my dollar, she warned me that I might not make it back home if I follow through with my plans. But I would not be dissuaded. This amazing item was to be mine. It shall bring me a lifetime of merriment and delight, I am sure of it!
But what could bring me such joy? What could give me sunshine on a cloudy day? (Certainly, not my girl, cuz that girl is a Gloomy Gus)
That’s right. Billy Ray Cyrus. Some Gave All. THE CD. FOR ONE DOLLAR.
Suddenly, all seems right in my world. I just know that my Hollywood Boyfriend Jeremy Renner will be just as excited about this purchase as I am. FOR ONE DOLLAR, we can listen to Where’m I Gonna Live? on repeat for hours! For ONE MERE DOLLAR, we can country line dance to Achy Breaky Heart! And just think of the hours of enjoyment this c.d. will bring on our impending road trip!
And this, my friends, finishes the story of how Billy Ray Cyrus saved the day from utter despair. We thank you sir.